5 Ways to Make a New Friend

Move over dating, the scariest part of adulthood isn’t finding love, it’s making new friends!

Allison ScharmannApril 11, 2024friendship, connection, skip the small talk, how to make friends, how to talk to anyone, how to make a new friend, friends, conversation, conversation starters Comment

Am I The Problem?

Oops.. you did it again! You’ve found yourself in a difficult situation that you’ve been in many times before!

Allison ScharmannMarch 28, 2024amitheproblem, problem solving, conflict, conflict resolution, relationships, communication, coping, conversation Comments

Why you need self-compassion in your life and how to do it (even when you don’t want to)

At Skip the Small Talks, we ask attendees to have compassion for others and for themselves as they try out new ways to hold conversations. It’s probably obvious why we care about people having compassion for each other at an event where strangers are getting to know each other for the first time, but equally if not more important in that context is self-compassion. That’s because any attempt at change or improvement generally goes much more smoothly if you’re not beating yourself up after every setback. Connecting genuinely often requires taking some risks (like sharing things that feel a little vulnerable), and having compassion for yourself when those risks don’t pan out the way you hope can help you continue taking some risks in the long-term, and can help make the learning process easier for you in the short-term.

BlogAshley KirsnerApril 5, 2018compassion, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, blogpost, skip the small talk, hotline, suicide hotline, listening, talking, self-love, vulnerability, genuine, communicating, communication, communication skills, coping skills, coping, distress tolerance, tolerating distress, resilience, psychological well-being, well-being, happiness, mood, happy, friends, friendship, strenghts, positive psychology, positivity, help, criticism, critique, be kind to yourself, worthy, worthiness, you are worthy, self-talk, positive self-talk, mental health, mental wellness, Skip the Small Talks, authentic, conversations, conversation, evolutionary psychology, evolution, negative, negativity bias, negativity, gratitude, asking for help, reaching out for help, reach out for help, reach out, reaching outComment

One quick tip for way better conversations

“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings,” said Stephen King, riffing off of a William Faulkner quote about writing. King and Faulkner were pointing out that the best writers are willing to erase portions of their writing that don't fit the larger story, even if the writing itself is good.

It’s the same with conversations. The best conversationalists are willing to go with the flow instead of trying to insert a thought from a few minutes ago wherever they can, even if that thought is clever, funny, or insightful. They're willing to give up contributing any given idea in order to be more present.

Ashley KirsnerFebruary 21, 2018conversation, conversationalist, kill your darlings, interrupting, interruption, tips, conversation tips, conversation tip, how to talk to people, talk to people, mindfulness, mindful, listening, how to listen, active listening, being present, presentComment

Five Thanksgiving icebreakers that don't suck

Ah, the holidays: A time when we hope our lives will look like those wholesome cartoon specials we watched as children, but also a time when anxieties about getting stuck in conversation with people who hold different political and moral ideologies might keep you from doing that happy dance from A Charlie Brown Christmas.

This Thanksgiving, we encourage you to take some time to connect with others in ways that feel authentic without feeling emotionally exhausting. To help the conversation flow, we offer you some ice-breakers that will get others to share about themselves while subtly nudging everyone’s mood in a positive direction. So if you do end up having the “here’s why racism is bad” conversation with Uncle Joe, you’ll have a buffer of positive experience--and perhaps some common ground--that’ll make it easier for you to communicate with one another.

The conversation hack you've never heard of

Imagine you’re in an animated conversation with someone. You both laugh at something together, but then your chuckles trail off and you’re left in silence. What now?

Do you say something immediately? Do you wait for the other person to say something, no matter how long that takes? Do you jump in with whatever enters your head? Of course, it likely differs from situation to situation, but you probably average some number of seconds before you say something new if the other person doesn’t say anything, and you probably don’t stray too far from that average too often.

The secret to long-lasting relationships

What do the following have in common?

A “define the relationship” conversation with a crush
Mentioning to your roommate that you never check your Facebook messages
Telling your friend that the way he acts when he’s angry is scary to you

Ashley KirsnerMay 22, 2017Skip the Small Talk, healthy relationships, relationships, relationship health, romantic relationships, platonic relationships, friends, friendships, how to make friends, how to have better relationships, better relationships, relationship, relationship advice, healthy relationship, deeper relationships, managing relationships, how to go deeper, going deeper, how to have a deep conversation, how to have a hard conversation, hard conversation, hard conversations, conversations, conversation, communication, communication problems, how to communicate, how to communicate better, communicating, communicate, communication skills, how to improve communication, having communication problems, metaconversation, metaconversations, meta-conversation, meta-conversations, skip the small talk, how to skip the small talk, learn how to skip the small talk, real talk, deep conversation, deep conversations, how to have deep conversations, how to talk about something hard, how to bring up something hard, how to bring up something hard to your boyfriend, how to bring up something hard to your girlfriend, romantic relationship, girlfriend, girlfriends, boyfriend, boyfriends, romantic partner, romantic partners, significant other, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your boyfriend, how to keep your significant other, long-lasting relationships, the secret to long-lasting relationships, how to have long-lasting relationships, how to make your relationship last, how to make your relationships last, how to make your relationships last forever Comments

How to escape small talk in two simple steps

We’ve all been there. You’re at a party, and somebody asks you a small talk question that you’re afraid will beget more small talk and before you know it, you’re thirty minutes deep into a discussion about traffic patterns in your local area. Whether the question that somebody is asking you is, “Where are you from?” Or, “Wasn’t the traffic getting here awful?” You can prevent your conversation from slipping into a night of small talk by responding the following way:

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The four words that change the way people talk to you

Imagine you’re hanging out with a friend.

You’ve been chatting for a bit, and they reveal something more vulnerable about themselves than they usually discuss with you. Maybe it’s admitting that they feel lonely at work, or maybe it’s talking about their history with depression. Whatever it is, it’s a level or two deeper than your usual conversations.

How do you respond?

Ashley KirsnerMarch 7, 2017communication, feedback, honesty, honest, get people to be more honest, get people to tell the truth, get people to open up, getting people to open up, vulnerable, vulnerability, gratitude, open, openness, active listening, thanks for telling me, thanks for sharing, thank you for sharing, s, skip the small talk, skipping the small talk, psychology, Skip the Small Talk, STST, how to skip the small talk, how to get people to open up, how to get people to open up to you, how to make friends, how to meet new people, healthy relationships, healthy relationship, how to make my relationship last, how to talk to people, how to improve communication, communicate, how to communicate, thank you for telling me, get people to tell you the truth, how to get people to tell you the truth, how to get people to be honest with you, how do i get people to be more honest with me, relationships, relationship, how to have a healthy relationship, how to have healthy relationships, how to have healthier relationships, talk big, talk big not small, how to have real conversations, conversation starters, conversation, conversations Comment

TIPS, STORIES, AND insPiration