Posts tagged how to get close to people
The Vulnerability Paradox
The Vulnerability Paradox

Have you ever felt comfortable telling something intimate to your hair stylist or bartender or ride-share driver, and then finding yourself feeling warm toward them, and perhaps inclined to tip more? Have you ever developed strong feelings for someone you were dating in a low-stakes context, like someone you knew you didn’t want to be with long-term?  Then you are likely familiar with what I’ve deemed “the vulnerability paradox.” According to the vulnerability paradox, a pattern I’ve noticed in myself and others, it’s often easier to open up to those we are not relatively close to, yet, the very act of opening up brings us closer.

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Ashley Kirsnervulnerability, paradox, vulnerability paradox, how to skip the small talk, skip the small talk, strangers on a train, strangers on a plane, strangers on a train effect, strangers on a plane effect, vulnerable, relationships, relationship advice, casual relationships, romantic relationships, romance, how to get close, how to get close to someone, how to get closer, how to get closer to someone, how to get closer to people, how to get close to people, how to get to know people, how to get to know someone, fear, how to keep your relationship, how to keep your relationships, how to maintain your relationship, how to maintain your relationships, relationship health, healthy relationships, communication, risk, risky, riskiness, relationship risks, healthy relationship, how to have a healthy relationship, how to get people to open up, skipping the small talk, STST, relationship, managing relationships, how to have a happy relationship, how to make friend, how to make friends, how do I meet people, talk big, talk big not small Comment
The single most surprising way to get close to people
The single most surprising way to get close to people

We'll cut to the chase. It’s boundaries, or more specifically, setting boundaries liberally and respecting them consistently.


Surprised? Think about it this way. Boundaries come on a spectrum, which looks different for each person-- there are smaller boundaries, which might look like, “Please lower your voice; my roommates are sleeping” and bigger boundaries, which might be more like, “Please don’t come to my house again.”


What a lot of folks don’t realize is that setting and respecting smaller boundaries are the single best way to avoid the big boundaries.

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Ashley Kirsnerboundaries, consent, thanks for telling me, thank you for telling me, thanks for sharing, mermaids, merpeople, setting boundaries, respecting boundaries, set boundaries, respect boundaries, Anastasia, The Little Mermaid, Disney, closer, bringing people closer, comfort, discomfort, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, small boundaries, big boundaries, boundary, mermaid, how to skip the small talk, how to get close to people, how to meet people, learn how to skip the small talk, relationship, relationships, healthy relationship, healthy relationships, how to have healthy relationships, how to make your relationships healthy, how to make your relationship healthy, how to have a healthy relationship, how to have a happy relationship, how to make friend, how to make friends, how to keep your friends, Skip the Small Talk, big talk, talk big not small, Josh Fialkoff, music video, music, consent song, Disney references, Shawn Hershey, get closer to people, managing relationships, talk big, STSTComment