10 Questions to ask your S.O. (or other loved ones) on Valentine's Day

As if figuring out what to do on Valentine’s Day isn’t hard enough, a lot of us have some additional pandemic-related parameters this year. So, we’ve come up with ideas for how to have a low-key but meaningful Valentine’s Day at home with your partner. (BONUS: If you’re not with a partner, you can absolutely pick and choose whatever pieces of this feel right to do with a friend or other loved one— we’ve even put together some adapted question prompts at the end of this to ask your friends, family, and other close people).

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A unique strategy for big feelings

This week, I’m thinking about the above quote I found via psychologist and author Nedra Tawwab.

The fastest compatibility test you've never heard of

Okay, we’ll run with the title and make this quick. When someone new is entering your life, whether it’s a friend, a coworker, a romantic interest, or someone else you’re still figuring out how and to what extent you’d like to fit them into your life, try asking yourself:

Do you know how to "be yourself?" The question that will help you be authentic even when the stakes are high

“Just be yourself!”
“Don’t worry about what other people think of you!”
“Dance like nobody’s watching!”
“To thine own self be true.”

We consume these truisms from the moment our infant brains can understand them and we don’t stop until we’ve seen one too many cliché-littered Pinterest boards. But the reality is, if you’re flailing your limbs on the dance floor without a single thought of who’s watching, or who’s within arm’s reach, you might accidentally smack someone in the face. How do you dance like you’re aware that people are watching, but you know that you’re dancing for yourself, and not for them? How can you think about the space you're taking up on the dance floor without having it affect your self-expression? How soon until we're done with this metaphor? It's important to "be true to yourself," but if you’re not thinking about how others respond to your behavior, you might be missing out on opportunities to connect, and you may even hurt others or yourself in the process.

Three relationship tips you won’t find in Cosmo

Whether you’re looking for a good fit with a friend, a romantic partner, or even a new workplace, you’ve probably heard tips like “communication is key” and “stick with someone/somewhere that encourages you to grow” and “go with your gut.” Sometimes even those clichés can be useful, but there are some other “tells” about how any given relationship is going that can be easy to miss if you’re not looking for them, especially since they aren’t as culturally emphasized as platitudes like “follow your heart.” Of course, these aren’t going to be the *only* things you should pay attention to, but they can all be easy to overlook, particularly if you are focusing some portion of your energy on appearing desirable to the other person/ workplace/ whatever.

Ashley KirsnerAugust 3, 2017relationship health, romantic relationship, relationships, relationship, relationship advice, romantic relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your boyfriend, strong relationships, healthy relationships, how to have a healthy relationships, how to have healthier relationships, how to have healthy relationships, healthy relationship, how to have a healthy relationship, how to make your relationships healthy, how to make your relationship healthy, should I break up with him?, should I break up with her?, should I break up?, should I break up with my girlfriend?, should I break up with my boyfriend?, metaconversation, metaconversations, meta-conversation, meta-conversations, boundary, boundaries, relationship tip, relationship tips, three relationship tips you won't find in Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo Magazine, cosmo magazine, cosmopolitan magazine, tips you won't find in cosmo, tips you won't find in cosmo magazine, respecting boundaries, respect boundaries, set boundaries, set boundary, vulnerability, keeping track, better relationships, deep relationships, deeper relationships, emotional labor, stable relationship, stable relationships, should I marry him?, should I marry her?, should we get married?, is he the one?, is she the one?, how do I know?, how will I know?, how do I know if he's the one?, how do I know if she's the one?, talk to him, talk to her, communication, communicating, Skip the Small Talk, skip the small talk advice, advice, love advice, loveComment

A simple way to take your relationships up a notch (or five)

Five to one: According to one of the most prominent social scientists in the field of romantic relationships, John Gottman, that’s the ratio of positive to negative interactions in stable relationships. Couples were significantly less likely to get a divorce when they had about five positive interactions for every negative interaction they had.

Ashley KirsnerJuly 20, 2017Skip the Small Talk, how to skip the small talk, relationship, relationships, relationship advice, romantic relationship, romantic relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, romance, how to keep the spark alive, how to have long-lasting relationships, better relationships, deeper relationships, relationship health, the secret to long-lasting relationships, healthy relationships, healthy relationship, managing relationships, how to make your relationships healthy, how to keep your relationships, how to make your relationships last, how to make your relationships last forever, how to make my relationship last, long-lasting relationships, relationship risks, gratitude, how to keep your boyfriend, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your friends, how to keep your significant other, how to keep your wife, how to keep your husband, John Gottman, relationship science, better communication, communication, communication skills, how to communicate better, how to have better conversations, positive reinforcement, positive, positive psychology, positive feedback, how to deepen your relationships, deep relationships, I love how you, happy, how to have a happy relationship, relationship ratio, magic relationship ratio, strong relationships, strong marriage, stable relationship, stable relationships, stable marriage, stable marriages, how to take your relationship up a notch, take your relationship up a notchComment

The secret to long-lasting relationships

What do the following have in common?

A “define the relationship” conversation with a crush
Mentioning to your roommate that you never check your Facebook messages
Telling your friend that the way he acts when he’s angry is scary to you

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The Vulnerability Paradox

Have you ever felt comfortable telling something intimate to your hair stylist or bartender or ride-share driver, and then finding yourself feeling warm toward them, and perhaps inclined to tip more? Have you ever developed strong feelings for someone you were dating in a low-stakes context, like someone you knew you didn’t want to be with long-term? Then you are likely familiar with what I’ve deemed “the vulnerability paradox.” According to the vulnerability paradox, a pattern I’ve noticed in myself and others, it’s often easier to open up to those we are not relatively close to, yet, the very act of opening up brings us closer.

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TIPS, STORIES, AND insPiration