It’s not just you: Why you feel weird lately

Photo: Matthew Henry

If you’ve started feeling odd as we come up upon the one-year-anniversary since a lot of us started quarantining, it’s not just you. You might just be experiencing just one or a few of these things, but some things you may notice are:

• Sleep problems

• Strange or unpleasant dreams

• Irritability

• A feeling of restlessness

• Feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and/or anxiety without a clear cause

• Flare ups of chronic health issues

Does any of that sound like what your last few days or weeks have been like? If so, then you might be having a trauma anniversary.

Here’s the wild thing that therapists have discovered in recent years: Even if you don’t consciously remember what time of year something traumatic happened to you, when that time of year rolls around again, you may experience some of the feelings you first felt during the original traumatic event. That’s what some people refer to as a “trauma anniversary reaction.” 

“But my quarantining experience was really easy,” you might argue. “Isn’t trauma just for big things like sexual assault and war?”

Anything that threatens your overall sense of how safe the world feels can be traumatic. Especially since we had so many unknowns at the beginning of the pandemic about what could keep us safe and what couldn’t, it’s only natural that we might feel less safe than we did pre-pandemic.

The good news is that all of those difficult feelings can subside over time, especially if you process them with a therapist or counselor. 

In the meantime, while you’re feeling a little “off,” here are some things that might help you feel a bit better:

• Remember that this will pass: Things might feel more intense right now, but those feelings aren’t likely to last forever. This time might suck a little, but it’s temporary.
  
  

• Go easy on yourself: You may not be as productive or as attentive a friend or partner as usual, and that’s totally okay. If you want some more tips on how to be kind to yourself even when you don’t feel like it, check out our blogpost for some shortcuts to having more self-compassion.
  
  

• Self-care, self-care, self-care: Amp up whatever you usually do that makes you feel more grounded. Make sure you’re taking care of your basic needs like eating, sleeping, and hydrating, as those can sometimes be more difficult when you’re experiencing a trauma anniversary reaction. If you can, try and do more of whatever makes you feel more joy, whether that’s spending time on a favorite hobby or eating ice cream. Don’t be alarmed if your hobbies that usually make you feel happy don’t make you feel quite as happy for the time being. Even if drawing or dancing or eating fun snacks don’t make you feel quite as happy as they used to, they can still help you feel better. So, try to plan lots of those joyful activities into your schedule if possible.
  
  

• Talk to people about how you’re really doing: A common side effect of going through a trauma anniversary can be feelings of isolation, even if you’re spending a lot of time with people. One thing that can help is being open with others about how you’re struggling. Talk about it to people you trust, and/or come to a virtual or in-person Skip the Small Talk; you get to talk to strangers in a low-pressure way and our first question is always, “How are you really doing?” It’s a great way to get things off your chest and feel heard if you feel iffy about talking to the people you already know about what you’re going through.

For a lot of us, this is an unprecedented time; people all around the world may be going through a similarly-timed trauma anniversary simultaneously. So, as we say at Skip the Small Talks: “Have some compassion for others and for yourselves.” We’re all doing our best, and it’s not going to last forever.